Tuesday, April 26, 2011

The Bachelor (Season Two)

A number of people have been asking me about my dating life recently. Apparently I have become a source of some measure of entertainment since I've been ramping things up in this area. So, here's some updates from the past month. The good, the bad, and the "oops". A warning here - if you are related to me and don't want to read about some of the rather intimate details of my love life, it's time to stop reading. If you need something else to occupy your time, this video of the two twin babies chatting it up in their own secret language is pretty entertaining.

If you've decided to read on, but you didn't read my first post entitled The Bachelor from a few weeks ago, you might want to check it out. I figured I wouldn't re-post the details but rather use the same headings to describe the men I'd previously introduced.

Nice (Enough?)
He is nice. But, no, it's not enough. This was the guy I met at a singles event while I was on sabbatical. I haven't had a chance to see him since the last blog post. Which means I haven't exactly communicated it. He's been super-busy, but great about trying to stay in touch. I don't want to be the lame-ass giving him the "let's just be friends" speech over the phone. Equally, I've been avoiding the conversation. But I'm going to have to have it the next time I see him. I'm hoping a friendship really will ensue. He's a lot of fun and a terrific guy that I would love to have in my life.

Group Effort
Admittedly, I was previously a little subtle about what this guy was about. When I indicated that he wasn't just interested in me for himself...and that it was intended to be a group effort...I was referring to the fact that he was wanting me to meet his wife so we could all end up in bed together. I certainly was flattered at the offer...though I might need to spend some time thinking about the vibe I was sending off that a threesome seemed like a reasonable topic of conversation. So, what on earth could be my "update" on this guy, you ask? Well, the challenge here is that he's actually a friend of a friend. And someone that I will reasonably continue to come into contact with. I didn't want to feel all weird every time we see eachother, and I'd yet to meet his wife, so I decided to get it all out in the open so it would be less awkward for me. I had dinner with him and his wife and also made it clear I wanted to stay in friendly territory (and not friendly territory). It worked out, but the image of me sitting in between them at dinner still gives me a little giggle.

Common Man
This is the guy who admitted to being in a "long term relationship" (whatever that's supposed to mean) and then subsequently texted asking to get together for a drink. I declined, but then he texted and called several times a week...week after week. At first I ignored it. Then I responded, but told myself I wouldn't actually meet up with him. But you already know where this is going. With all this mess going downhill with the guy I really liked (per my previous post)...I was feeling pretty down. I wanted to hear all the things this dude was saying. I just wanted to hear them from someone else. But, in a moment of weakness (and after a few cocktails), I gave in. Of course I felt like an asshole afterwards and deleted his number. No one should be shocked that he hasn't called either...he's clearly following the script here. It was a perfect example of regressing into bad emotion-stuffing behavior. I basically used him like a half-pint of Ben and Jerry's. I can't say I won't slip again (or that it wasn't ridiculously good Ben and Jerry's), but hopefully I'll make better, more adult, choices in the near future.

Mr. Normal
Mr. Normal took me out on our first date. He's a guy I met through a few different channels and we kept running into eachother around town. He's subsequently been renamed to "Mr. Who Talks About Their Love of Video Games on a First Date?". I'm not sure if it makes me desparate or open-minded...but I'll give him a second chance, recognizing that first dates can be tough. Guys, if you're reading this, just because you feel super-comfortable with a girl and she seems really cool...stay away from your crazy/geeky/weird habits on the first date, k?

The Lesson
My last post covered this guy. But here's the reacp: He lives 2.5 hours away. We've only met twice. I connected with him in a way I haven't for a really long time. I can't stop thinking about him. And it's just not working out. Ouch. I'm working on being okay that I'm really upset about this - and on letting it go. Big bummer. I'm also blaming him for "The Common Man" above, and "The Bad Habit" below.

The Bad Habit
We met ten years ago when we were both working out of town (Chicago, maybe?). We were young and single, and it was my first "working out of town" hook-up. So he's always held a special place in my heart. Imagine my surprise four years later when, as I'm talking to friends at a bar in New York City, I turn to introduce myself to the guy sitting next to me...and there he is. Our eyes locked and we re-connected instantly. But things had changed. I was engaged. And he was married. That didn't stop him from staying glued to my side for the evening. I didn't try to unglue him, but I did (rightfully) go home alone at the end of the evening. At the time, I was in love and getting married. But six months later when my engagement had broken up and I was feeling completely unattractive, I wasn't as strong when he advanced. And things have, frankly, gone on this way ever since. We don't regularly keep in touch. But every once in a while, over the past six years, we reconnect. He seems to sense when I'm at my weakest point (funny how men often do). And, as awful as it is to say, it's sort of become routine. Which I suppose makes it easier to pretend it's not completely wrong. Judge me if you will, but I'll be shocked if you don't understand some part of it. I'd been quite proud of myself for keeping him at bay while I've been doing this work on myself. But as I reached a low point this past week, I wasn't surprised when the universe continued to tempt me with unhealthy options and I heard from him. I took the bait and had an important revelation. I'm not even really attracted to this guy anymore. It had literally just become a bad habit that I'd accepted into my life. So, as much as it was a bad idea to let him in the door recently, I'm glad I did. Because now I think I can keep it shut.

The New Guy
Met a new guy a week ago when I went to a recent event for some drinks and dancing. It poured rain that night, so hardly anyone went to this thing. But I probably would have noticed this guy in room full of people. He's a few years younger, so that makes me a little wary. But he's lived a lot of life (in a good way). He's well-traveled, considerate, whip-smart, entrepreneurial, and confident. He's got a lot going for him, and didn't talk about video games on our first date. Perhaps the bar was low after Mr. Normal but The New Guy is the front-runner for my attention at the moment. So, we'll see.

Hope you enjoyed the update and the entertainment. Hasta, sabbaticaljo

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