Friday, April 13, 2012

Thirty seconds

They say that women decide in the first thirty seconds of meeting a guy if they're going to sleep with him. In my experience, though, it's more about knowing in the first thirty seconds if I'm not going to sleep with someone. It's slightly more complicated. Once I haven't totally ruled you out, I'm making all sorts of other decisions while you're describing your love of travel and red wine. Do I think you're someone I might just want to jump into bed with? Do I think there's more potential at which point, ironically, I won't sleep with you? Am I not sure and will orchestrate a kiss opportunity so I can get more information?

I mentioned last night that I had a second date. The guy seemed cool on our first date, and we had a really easy conversation. But I wasn't exactly wanting to crawl across the table onto his lap. Not that it's a specific requirement, lol. He came up with a cute idea of us buying a lotto ticket together, which turned into a fun sdventure. He walked me to my car after, and simply hugged me goodnight. A perfectly enjoyable evening.

After that night, he proceeded to text me early in the mornings to wish me a good start to the day. He didn't call, which I always find weird, but texted every day or so. We arranged for a second date and met up last night.

He's an interesting character; a bit of a tough nut to crack. I sense there is plenty going on behind his seriousness, but on the surface be seems a bit conservative. Vanilla. If I ask questions, he has plenty to say. But he's not an extrovert. He'll laugh or smile, but not freely. He doesn't ask a lot of questions, and yet I wouldn't call him shy either.

As I describe him, he probably sounds lame but the funny thing is I found myself slightly into was like some sort of weird challenge to get him to which I got pretty good at over the course of two dates. I'm sure there's a therapy session in here somewhere. Ha ha. Okay, I digress.

So, we had another nice time. Lots to talk about, exchanged some funny stories, but didn't really get beyond surface topics. But it's not a second date, right? Perhaps not everyone loves to delve into deep topics straightaway lIke do. But, I had a nice time! The date ends and, again, he walks me to my car. Since I've had a hard time pegging this guy, I'm interested to know how it's going to end as we're walking. I'm feeling the chemistry so I'm wanting him to kiss me. But it ends in a hug. Again. Really? WTF.

I get in the car, and as I'm driving away I'm wondering if I misjudged the evening. Clearly we weren't on the same page. Curious. About five minutes into my drive home, I get a text. "As I'm walking to the car I'm thinking we should seize more of the evening. Drink or dessert?". Interesting. Never one to miss an opportunity to "seize" a moment, I responded that I was in.

We decided to meet up at a place up the road, debating via text on the way what our options were at 10:30 on a Thursday (I don't exactly live in a happening town). We met up and threw back a couple drinks, and the energy seemed more relaxed than at dinner. We were joking, laughing, you get the idea. In my mind, I'm thinking the whole thing about texting after dinner was sweet.

About two hours in, he goes to the restroom and I decide to check my phone. Oh, and what do we have here? In the flurry of sweet post dinner texts about where to meet for a drink, I had apparently missed his last one. "if neither place works for a drink, we could always go to my place or yours for some wine". Whoa! Well this is an interesting turn of events. Mr. Conservative, Mr. Vanilla. Huh. I didn't see that coming.

The bar starts to close up and, again, we find ourselves walking to my car. But as I turn around after putting my purse in the car he's got "the look". Ladies, you know the one. It leaves no uncertainty about what's happening next. He grabs my hand and goes in for the kiss. Sweet, simple. At first. My guard is down a little from the two drinks, but holy shit. This guy isn't vanilla. And he's kissed a few women. I'm literally weak in the knees at this point. Whew. If I had any reason to question the chemistry, I have nothing left to say at this point.

I'm still clinging to the notion that this guy is sweet and sincere, though a really great kisser (this makes up for my post in the fall about my worst kiss ever...I keep meaning to update you on what happened there). I pull back. He says he doesn't want to let me go to Europe (I'm headed to London tomorrow). More kissing. I pull back. He says I'm cute (presumably because I'm giggling that we're making out in a parking lot). More kissing. I pull back. He says "your car is bigger than mine". Without a thought I laugh and blurt out "you're out of your fucking mind if you think I'm getting into the backseat of my car with you".

Now, I assume he was half-kidding. But still, maybe I should have been mad he'd even suggested it. Or offended. Or whatever. But, honestly, it's hard to judge when I'm pretty sure I've uttered the same words at some point. In my 30s, no less. So, instead, I made reference to his text about going to his place and displayed mock offense. He wasn't fooled :) But off I left, headed home with my dignity mostly intact.

He made one final attempt asking if I was sure I was fine to drive and didn't "need an escort home". Nice try, buddy. "A" for effort, I suppose.

But here's the part where I'm feeling like a total girl and unsure of myself (there is literally no feeling I hate more). This guy's just after sex, right? Or is he actually interested in something more? And, does it matter? I thought about it a bit today, and I think I may be asking the wrong questions. Forget guesstimating what he's thinking or feeling. What am I thinking and feeling?

Bottom line? There's obviously chemistry and I've enjoyed both dates. He's stable, unattached, has a son but no ex drama, got me weak in the knees when we kissed, and made me laugh. I'm just going to wait this one out and see what happens.

But tonight? Well it's my last one in town for two weeks. And I've got a first date ;) No rest for the wicked. What are you doing on this fine Friday evening?Hasta, sabbaticaljo

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